April 28, 2012 § 13 Comments
Now I can hear some of you asking, but isn’t it okay, after all, it is a catholic school? But ask yourself, if a woman was teaching in a Catholic school, should it be okay if she gets fired for using birth control? I dare say most of us would say no. Hells, the Catholic Church has swept years of child sexual abuse under the rug while the priests, or as I like to call them, perps were still not only conduction mass but lining up alter boys for their new positions wherever they were sent to do God’s work. Yet a man who is is a committed and loving relationship with another man is going to taint the young minds of the graduates?
One of the thing that continually amazes me is that judgement is so much an issue in Christianity. I know I am no bible guru but isn’t judging supposed to be left up to God if you are a Christian, or Muslim, or fuck, any religion really. Isn’t it terribly arrogant to think you know what is in another’s heart? Let alone some supreme being that we are continuously told his goodness is such you cannot fathom it?
So I guess one big question is, how do you know when you are being intolerant of religion or too sensitive? I guess I personally want to pick another piece out of Leviticus and see if it would be reasonable to say… “Hey on Facebook he said he ate at Red Lobster last night. That abomination cannot talk to our children.” The funny thing is he could have written on Facebook about him hitting it with a different woman every night and not one word would have been said about it.
So a school chooses this moment to show it’s students what they think being Catholic is really about… Hate.
So there is a petition: http://www.change.org/petitions/sacred-heart-academy-mt-pleasant-mi-stop-endorsing-homophobia
Because no school should be telling their students that hate in the name of religion is okay. JMHO. I hope you all sign if you agree.
And A big Thank You to DCG. I would have missed this if you had not brought it to my attention.
And I know I did not make this to a U, fuck it, this was way more important.
April 14, 2012 § 4 Comments
1. Be prepared. Sounds simple, I know, but going into an exam you are confident about passing cuts down on the panic.
2. Do not hang around people in your classes. The discussing the exam after taking it only makes you crazy and second guess if your answers were right or theirs…. what you missed, what you should have gotten. Occasionally some prick will ask if you got the “trick questions”. My friend Jake perfected the way to respond to this: say “shut the fuck up Jamie”. Yeah, I’m that guy. The moment of blind panic makes me laugh.
3. When you are tired, sleep. The exhausted mind retains and remembers little.
March 5, 2012 § 7 Comments
Problem : I was booked to work on day of interview. No one would take my shift. Are you fucking kidding me? I take anyone’s shift if asked. I have changed plans to help cover shifts and not one person will take my shift for a fucking college interview? I work with douche bags. Passive-aggressive douche bags. Now I suppose I COULD reschedule, but I do not think hat makes a good impression. So I talked to my schedule boss, and he said he would work around me, but I could tell he was a bit annoyed that no one would cover my shift. Have I mentioned how icy it has been there? I get on fine with office management and vets, other vet asses, not so much. It was great when I was all “Hey no problem, I’ll take the shit jobs and you get the glory jobs” changed to “Fuck you, YOU do the kennels, I’ll take admittance.” Competition can be a bitch.
Ali asked me out to celebrate, and off we went. I was not going to text C with the news. He guessed though when he came home and I was gone. He called me and even offered to pick me up and drive Ali home. The rest of the weekend went really well. I’m happy. I feel in control. I can do this. I can make a good impression.
Any tips would taken with gratitude.
February 28, 2012 § 12 Comments
I don’t know why. I was hot then cold, then hot then cold… Leg spasms, and woke up twice to weird fucking dream. One was, of all the stupid things, getting out of the car. I had a dream that I got out of my car. But could not get passed the car on the other side’s mirror. So I cross to the passenger side, same thing. I go back to the driver’s side the car is even closer and I can’t open the door far enough to get back in and find another spot. I’m just rapped and frustrated waiting for someone to come and move. Yeah, it does not take a psychology major to figure out I am stressed about getting intoy program. And if I choose a wrong move I could be stuck. Just waiting with nowhere to go. Cs lucky he is working afternoons, by the time he got to bed I managed maybe another two hours and I was back up. I’m highly caffeinated right now. I hate waiting. I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do. Just wait and hope for the best. So this is not a total bitch session…I thought this was funny, true story from the weekend My mother was giving her email address over the phone. She gets to the letter “n” and the guy repeats it back as an “m”. My mother was like “no N as in…” and there was panic as her mind failed to find an n-word, then she blurted out “necrophilia”. As my mother explains it, she did not want the guy to think she is an idiot because she blanked on an “N” word. No now he just thinks she’s someone who has words like that just popping into her head. It’s official. I AM the normal one in my family. Scary thought.
January 2, 2012 § 18 Comments
Why are people so mean to each other? Two times today I have had friends upset after getting their grades. Not because of bad grades, no, because someone had to piss on their fucking accomplishments. First being my girl Ali. She stepped out of her comfort zone and took a woman’s study course that she was challenged by and had been freaking during exams. Ali works 2 jobs, and one of the jobs, well she hates. The assistant manager she works under is an utter and absolute bitch. Anyway, she went into work and the bitch asks “So did you get your grade back?”
“It’s so cute you get so excited, wait until you get that in a real class.”
Now I could see, when she was telling me, it was not going to end well. BUT Ali was excited and proud, and didn’t honestly think why would some 40 year old woman want to embarrass and humiliate a 20 year old girl. Just cause she could. Ali said she spent the entire 5 hour shift feeling like bursting into tears and cried on the bus on the way home. Not because of sadness, but anger at how she was humiliated in front of her co-workers.
The other, my friend Ry, had excellent grades, but he is taking Sociology. Ry’s single mother is a doctor and any time he makes good grades she says “See I told you you’re smart enough to go to medical school.” She just does not get that he does not suffer delusions of stupidity, or think going into social work makes you stupider than a doctor. His mother can honestly NOT comprehend why someone may make different choices than she has made and be happy. He often says that she might give him peace if he starts getting Cs and Ds. Now I suppose his mother is not just trying to be mean. But honestly, what a controlling …. uh… mom.
People just suck sometimes.
December 10, 2011 § 14 Comments
My best friend is home for the holidays. That would be so many flavours of awesome except for one little thing… well three little things. Exams that is. My last exam is done on the twenty-fucking-first. That is soooo shitty. Jake goes back on the 27th. With Christmas, school, work, both our families I will be lucky if I get to see him at all. Growing up sucks balls:( He had to go and get a fucking job, what an ass hole. If he didn’t have a job he could hang out with me until after the new year…. well when I am not working that is.
What happened to the lazy prick who managed a solid 1.5 solid GPA with no job or relationship at all last year? Sure, this year he goes and gets all responsible on me:S Selfish prick. I need at least one completely irresponsible and reckless friend, how else can I excuse me behaviour?
September 16, 2011 § 13 Comments
In one year I will not be here. I will (hopefully) be in Toronto, but possibly even in another province depending on where I get accepted. This we have always known. I guess I never really thought about how Chris felt about this, or where, if at all, he fit into my plan. In my mind I guess I never really put him and school together and realized that they don’t fit. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.
So we are at his place and just eating, and me typically talking and not thinking. So I’m explaining how I realize now how fucking competitive it is going to be to get in where I want and that I may have to go to Saskatchewan, Alberta or P.E.I. to go to school. “P.E.I.? Do you know how impossible it is to find a job there?”
“It’s no big, I doubt I’ll have time anyway. And it’s not like I’m sticking around fucking P.E.I. after I get my degree.”
“Well, how am I supposed to live there?” Well you could have knocked me fucking over. I never, really, never fucking thought about him and me and school all in the same moment in time. I think about our future, but never in relation to me leaving. “I mean Saskatchewan’s good. There is tons of work there.”
“You’re gonna move along with me?” Okay, I’m not that bright.
“Well, maybe not then. Sorry, my bad. I didn’t realize that I was going to get ‘Thanks for the good time’ postcards from you when you went off to college.” I take full credit for his new found inner bitch.
“Hey, I just didn’t think about it before. I never thought about the logistics of me moving away.” But in my mind I thought wow, fucking awesome. He has thought about it. About living together, the future, that is awesome. Now if only my brain would have just left it alone. But my mind can be my biggest enemy, because rather than relax with an idea of unrealistic bliss in a future relationship I see the flaws. I see the impossibilities. “How are you going to explain to your parents that you are moving away?”
“I’m a big boy, J. My parents will understand that I take opportunities as they come.” Well come on, I really did not expect him to tell them he is following his boyfriend, did I? Of course not. But I guess with him wanting to follow me I wanted something. Some movement forward from the closet from him. Some shifting to social acceptance. And in my mind it exploded into worse case scenarios and a realization that this is it. This is who I could end up with for my whole life. Not the C that I love. This big fucking closet case. This guy who wants me, but when it is okay. When it is acceptable. The rest of the time I don’t exist, or I’m someone he’s seeing, left to assume that someone is a woman. At his place I am his sometimes room mate.
Like a case of verbal diarrhoea I’m spewing all these fucking insecurities and fears that I never knew existed. That are maybe the reason I never let myself think too far ahead. I’m accusing him of doing shit he hasn’t even done yet. In the end it pretty much was a knock down drag out fight for things he has not even fucking done. Not my finest moment. Oh, did I mention loud? It was very loud.
Anyway, I did eventually calm down and realized how unreasonable I was being. I mean here my boyfriend is basically letting me know he is planning a future with me and I am losing it on him for it. But in my mind I am seeing a future in the closet. Because the fact is, one person cannot be in a relationship with someone openly gay and hope to stay in his closet. I would have to change to not “out” him. Because the fact of it all is, two guys living together, one gay, the assumption is both gay. And once he is outed how is that going to affect me? Us? Resentment. So I change. Then what happens when his old friends visit? J gets to make himself scarce for the visit. Or fucking god forbid his parents…. J disappears for their visit.
And the future? What happens in five years? How do C’s parents not wonder about their 30 something son who has never had a relationship? No woman to bring home? And I know these are his issues, but they will become mine if we are still in a relationship.
Most of all, I know I cannot live like that. Because the thoughts of it are already causing resentment. I fucking hate that he wants that life for me. And I hate that I feel like I am being a dick issuing ultimatums, but how can I not be? This is going to be a deal breaker for me. And I am trying really hard NOT to say that, but the bottom line is I think in the end I know if he does not come out all my deepest fears are going to manifest.
Of course then it is his turn to point out that I have things “easy” because his life is just so fucking complicated…. And so it continues.