C’s sense of humor

March 9, 2012 § 17 Comments

C has a very different sense of humor.  He is funny.  But his humor is more private, quieter.  It took me a while to realize when he actually was telling a joke.  Well, I hope you all get why this was funny, at least to me.  My fave thing on TV is actually a production company’s stamp.

It just cracks me up.  Anyway, this guy stops to ask directions in the mall.  This guy was wearing a REALLY bad rug.  For starters what was left of his hair was white, and perched atop his head was a black toupee.  As he walked off C says “That’s one bad hat Harry.”  It did me in, I could not stop laughing like a lunatic.
Okay maybe it was not kind…. but fuck it was funny.

Sage advice for Valentine’s Day from an expert

February 13, 2012 § 8 Comments

   I was at my Nonna’s on Sunday.  Whole family thing.  My cousin was lamenting that his most recent crush had friend-zoned him.  He asked her out to be told she didn’t like him “that way”.  So he was trying to drum up ideas that would “remind” her that he was still interested if she changed her mind, but without creeping her out too much.  

   Then came the sagest words from the most unlikely source:  “There is a fine line between persistence and restraining orders.”  We were laughing, but then CJ got this dead serious look on his face, apparently really mad we were taking his serious advice as so funny.  “Trust me, I know.”  His 12 year old face so intense.
   “And how would you know?” I asked.
   “I watch a lot of judge shows.” 

Good news I am the last surviving member of a millionaire’s

January 30, 2012 § 6 Comments

Extended family. Fucking awesome. Not really sure how that could happen with both my parents being alive. But they sent me an email so it HAS to be true. All I need to do to collect my inheritance is set up an account with 50,000 dollars in it for legal fees, and i’ll have me 22,500,000 by the next day. Sweet. So anyone wanna spot me 50 grand;). I’ll be your best friend:P

I know stupid people

January 24, 2012 § 16 Comments

I do.  I’m not just bragging.  Now there is a girl in my school…. we’ll call her Samantha (because that’s her name and no one in my uni reads my blog so FTW).  Sam is…well… dumb as a bag of hammers.  Now she is book smart… well okay book not-so-stupid, but she was in her second year with a sociology major before she knew what sociology meant (and no I am not making it up, she asked us).  She truly believed that condoms cause AIDS, and is probably the poster child why Ontario should rid itself of Roman Catholic schooling.

ANYWAY…. I just wanted you to grasp who this came from.  And Please, make no mistake, Samantha is probably the sweetest and nicest person you will ever want to meet…

She was talking about that stupid Tim Tebow thing with the 316 yards and all the other crappola they can cram 316 into.  How amazing the Lord is to give messages to his believers.  I asked her if good old timmy had ever passed for 317 or 315 yards, and she did not know.  I pointed out that the only reason 316 was brought up was because of the mere coincidence of it being his favorite quote in the bible (yeah, and that is so fucking rare, right?).  And she actually looked at me and said (and I am not making this up) “Yeah, but coincidences just don’t happen for no reason.”

My brain actually hurt.  I think it was sympathy pains for Samantha’s poor unused brain.

“Hey, Sam, do you own a dictionary?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Go home and look up the word coincidence, would you?”
My friend Ali is laughing her ass off and Samantha laughed, stopped, looked at Ali and said “I don’t know what he means.”

So no matter what stupid things you do in your week, know this, you are not Samantha.

I’m sure he’s harmless…. no really.

November 21, 2011 § 10 Comments

BBGs mentioning her having latex gloves brought this to mind.

Cleaning out C’s car.  Pull everything from the trunk to vacuum it out.  I pull out:
A chainsaw, two baseball bats (no balls or gloves), duct tape, several pairs of latex gloves, extra large garbage bags and a trench shovel.  I told C if the cops ever pull him over they won’t even need a body.  Now he has a feasible explanation for each of these strange items to find in a trunk.  And one or two… okay.  But all those combined….
The chainsaw: he maintains the property for his landlords, and the first chainsaw from the garage and it pissed C off he had to buy another.  So he figures his trunk is safer.  The big, and I mean huge, garbage bags. because the tenants are filthy dirty ass holes who leave their shit outside of the garbage bins and on a regular basis the cats in the neighbourhood rip open the garbage bags.  Guess that explains the gloves, although his excuse was in case his car breaks down and he need to fix it, he doesn’t want to get grease on his hands.  Duct tape… well that is just good Canadian sense at work.  And a shovel, well Canadian winters, a trench shovel folds down  to trunk size.  The baseball bats?  Even C was stumped to come up with an explanation.

I just may have to sleep with one eye open.


November 7, 2011 § 11 Comments

I love video games.  When my mother claims I waste my time I tell her that when the zomies attack , and they will, she will see the rewards for my mad skills.  Recently CJ has been spending quality time on my PS3 with me being at C’s.  “Calvin, I don’t want you wasting your whole day on the PS3,” mom was telling him yesterday.
“I’m in training for the zombie apocolypse,” he defended himself to my pride.  “See these thumbs,” he held them up,”These are the thumbs of a warrior.”  I am Still laughing.

Update on things

October 4, 2011 § 14 Comments

So I have hit an all time low.  I am depressed and sad.  C has said some awful things.  He says I am bossy and controlling, that I insist on everything my way, that I never give a little.  It has hit on all my insecurities about myself.  But I don;t care what he says, I’m not letting him out of the basement.

Haha, well, I thought it was funny.  Ali punch me, so maybe it was not as funny as I thought:P  Actually, things on the Chris front have been very… peaceful of late.  I’m backing off him enough that he is relaxing a bit more and things are good.  My brother is being rather surly with me, says I am getting “hogged” by C.  I just don’t have the time to hang out with him I used to, and he is feeling hard done by.  Probably time to schedule something with him.  Hit the Spirit halloween shop for costumes or something.

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