Special is as special does

March 19, 2012 § 28 Comments

Helping my parents on Sunday. They are in the process of the big move. Out to the country. So I enlisted C’s help, and he’s okay with it because it’s work, not a social thing. C’s a worker bee. So long as he is busy he’s quite content. Anyway, so the family is in and out of the house, they are fully downsizing so family is picking up tables and desks and beds,etc. that my parents aren’t taking with them.
 I love my Nonna. She’s just wonderful… As a grandmother. Mother-in-law…. Yeah, not so much. Her and my mother have a somewhat strained relationship. See, if my dad makes decisions she would not make for him, it’s my mother’s influence. Like them not getting married, having children so late in life. Blah blah, blah. Over the years the have learned to peacefully co-exist. The key is to understand first and foremost, she is my dad’s mother. What that means is that no one will ever be good enough for him. And that while her Catholicism may be skewed to her advantage, she is still catholic, or as C.J. calls it “the C word”.

 So she came and made a comment about how it was nice that my “special friend” would help them. That is instead of boyfriend he is my “special friend”. I am fairly certain she knows that this idea she has that I will find some nice Italian girl is never going to happen, but she still likes to pretend that C is just a friend, a roommate. So the CJ says that he doesn’t like Nonna calling him that. I told him. Or to worry. She’s just Nonna, stuck in her ways. “I still don’t think it’s nice calling him retarded.”. Not that kind of special CJ.
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§ 28 Responses to Special is as special does

  • How old is your grandmother? Sometimes the older generation isn't as comfortable with the freedom that our generation experiences with acceptance & all that other stuff. In her defense at least she's trying in what sounds like the best way she can allow herself to in order to admit that CJ is a part of your life. That can't be a bad thing! My grandfather would've stopped talking to his grandkids and not even been able to deal with the concept had it been the case for us. I hope the move goes well!

  • How old is your grandmother? Sometimes the older generation isn't as comfortable with the freedom that our generation experiences with acceptance & all that other stuff. In her defense at least she's trying in what sounds like the best way she can allow herself to in order to admit that CJ is a part of your life. That can't be a bad thing! My grandfather would've stopped talking to his grandkids and not even been able to deal with the concept had it been the case for us. I hope the move goes well!

  • Violet says:

    this is great. i totally get it. my mother is screwed up in some denial land basis of thought and beliefs where she cannot even say “special friend” in reference to the lady love i had for over a F'N DECADE… for 12+ years, I was a faceless, nameless invisible non-entity as far as family was concerned.
    I am not saying this to be anything towards you, C or family… it is just that some people live in a strange non-accepting bubble where their fear-based judgements turn outward and effect us all.
    At least C is an organized worker bee!!!

    I say LOVE whenever you can…
    as in always!

    It helps these long, packing boxes days when the time passes one grain of sand at a time.

  • Violet says:

    this is great. i totally get it. my mother is screwed up in some denial land basis of thought and beliefs where she cannot even say “special friend” in reference to the lady love i had for over a F'N DECADE… for 12+ years, I was a faceless, nameless invisible non-entity as far as family was concerned.
    I am not saying this to be anything towards you, C or family… it is just that some people live in a strange non-accepting bubble where their fear-based judgements turn outward and effect us all.
    At least C is an organized worker bee!!!

    I say LOVE whenever you can…
    as in always!

    It helps these long, packing boxes days when the time passes one grain of sand at a time.

  • kikinotdee says:

    Older people are ace the world was much simpler way back when lol !
    My mum is a strange one she wanted all three of us girls to “become” gay so we didn't have to go through the pain of childbirth, because lesbians don't have kids mum.
    My daughter has tattoos and my mum rolls her eyes at her and refuses to look at them, because in her day it was the mark of a prostitute, she never mentions mine though mmmm, you should remind C that one day he WILL be Nonna or the equivalent male version :}

  • kikinotdee says:

    Older people are ace the world was much simpler way back when lol !
    My mum is a strange one she wanted all three of us girls to “become” gay so we didn't have to go through the pain of childbirth, because lesbians don't have kids mum.
    My daughter has tattoos and my mum rolls her eyes at her and refuses to look at them, because in her day it was the mark of a prostitute, she never mentions mine though mmmm, you should remind C that one day he WILL be Nonna or the equivalent male version :}

  • Anne says:

    My mother-in-law hates me too. My only crime is marrying her son, but it's the crime of the century in her eyes.

    Moving is a pain in the rear and especially after you've lived somewhere for a long time. So much needs to be thrown out.

    I can understand why C would feel slighted, even though your gran isn't being mean. He's your boyfriend and hearing that word may be a validating thing for him.

  • Anne says:

    My mother-in-law hates me too. My only crime is marrying her son, but it's the crime of the century in her eyes.

    Moving is a pain in the rear and especially after you've lived somewhere for a long time. So much needs to be thrown out.

    I can understand why C would feel slighted, even though your gran isn't being mean. He's your boyfriend and hearing that word may be a validating thing for him.

  • ah the old folks. so honest.

    sometimes so hurtful.

  • ah the old folks. so honest.

    sometimes so hurtful.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    My Nonna is in her eighties. So yeah, she lives in her little bubble. BTW, C is the boyfriend CJ is my 12 year old brother. I know, it gets confusing, I use too many initials:D

  • jamiessmiles says:

    My Nonna is in her eighties. So yeah, she lives in her little bubble. BTW, C is the boyfriend CJ is my 12 year old brother. I know, it gets confusing, I use too many initials:D

  • jamiessmiles says:

    I agree, Love when you can. It's gotta suck to be in a completely unrecognized relationship for that long. Nonna tries, so I gotta give it to herr for trying to deal how she can.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    I agree, Love when you can. It's gotta suck to be in a completely unrecognized relationship for that long. Nonna tries, so I gotta give it to herr for trying to deal how she can.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    Ki, that is really strange. I think my mom would give her eyeteeth if I wanted kids. Gotta laugh at the tattoo thing. I love tats, on men and women.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    Ki, that is really strange. I think my mom would give her eyeteeth if I wanted kids. Gotta laugh at the tattoo thing. I love tats, on men and women.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    C actually thinks my family is weird to invite him anywhere. CJ is my little brother. And he grew up with me dating guys, so I think it really does confuse him that some parts of the family treat C differrent than any other boyfriend and girlfriend of the other cousins.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    C actually thinks my family is weird to invite him anywhere. CJ is my little brother. And he grew up with me dating guys, so I think it really does confuse him that some parts of the family treat C differrent than any other boyfriend and girlfriend of the other cousins.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    Even when they don't mean to be:) So true.

  • jamiessmiles says:

    Even when they don't mean to be:) So true.

  • You just have to give it to the “old folks” sometimes. They love us to pieces it is almost intrusive. But that is how they are, thy would always live with the mind that things were less complicated, albeit, things were just never out in the open, but were messier.

    Argh, moving. Good and bad things altogether in one event. Good luck!

    And by all means, C will always be “special” in your eyes! 🙂

  • You just have to give it to the “old folks” sometimes. They love us to pieces it is almost intrusive. But that is how they are, thy would always live with the mind that things were less complicated, albeit, things were just never out in the open, but were messier.

    Argh, moving. Good and bad things altogether in one event. Good luck!

    And by all means, C will always be “special” in your eyes! 🙂

  • Sounds like hard work, probably best off leaving your grandma to think that.

  • Sounds like hard work, probably best off leaving your grandma to think that.

  • Gotta LOVE your Nonna, right?

  • Gotta LOVE your Nonna, right?

  • Dawnette says:

    Your little brother is too funny! “I still don't think it's nice calling him retarded.”

    And your g-ma is very similar to how my mom reacts to one of my younger brothers. She doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that he is gay, so she calls his boyfriend a friend. Just a friend. -eyeroll- I still laugh when she says it and I correct her every chance I get, “You mean his, BOYFRIEND, ma??” She hates. hahaha

  • Dawnette says:

    Your little brother is too funny! “I still don't think it's nice calling him retarded.”

    And your g-ma is very similar to how my mom reacts to one of my younger brothers. She doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that he is gay, so she calls his boyfriend a friend. Just a friend. -eyeroll- I still laugh when she says it and I correct her every chance I get, “You mean his, BOYFRIEND, ma??” She hates. hahaha

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