Yes, I am still here

August 30, 2011 § 2 Comments

Well, it has taken me some time to come to peace with he fact that some people are just fucking idiots.  Meh.  I’m grateful to Chris who had to tolerate me.  Usually he is the miserable beastie I have to tame, not so much this last week.  Funny thing he works way different than I do.  He doesn’t do it with strokes to the ego among other places.  No, he does it by driving me insane through stupidity, until I am laughing so hard at him I forget my misery.
   Part of why he got his apartment as such a stellar price is that he takes care of the lawn maintenance.  8 AM Sunday morning I wake up to “You gonna help me do the grass?”
   “You cannot cut the grass at 8 on a Sunday morning.”
   “I’m cutting it while it’s still cool.”
   “No you are fucking not.  Seriously C, your neighbours will hate you.  I will hate you on principle.  I am not fucking the kind of guy who would mow the lawn at 8 in the fucking morning on a god damned Sunday fucking morning.”  He did not mow the lawn until 10.  But I think he does things like that to just drive me crazy.  And because it amuses him to see how much I can swear in a single sentence.  I got skills, skills I tell you, mad skills.

   So school starts on Tuesday.  I can’t wait.  Seriously.  I thought I would enjoy the break but my plan was to spend time with C and maybe take a trip to Toronto.  C spent time with the parents and T is no longer speaking to me, so Toronto is out.  I wish I could say we are not speaking to each other, but I honestly have no clue WHY I became the demon in his break up with his BF.  I mean I met the guy twice, and both times we got on all right.  Part of me thinks T is just looking for someone to blame.  What evs.
   So I am looking forward to getting back in my nice comfortable groove.  During school there is a comfort in the predictability and I am DYING to see some of my friends who went home for the summer.  Awesome.


Way to fight the stereotypes

August 25, 2011 § 6 Comments

I am always amused when I get called on not “fighting the stereotypes”.  I’m gay, and I flame sometimes.  And sometimes I fit the stereotype, and sometimes I don’t.  It’s funny how I can get reamed out for not being “sensitive” enough (being gay I guess I should be), then get told off for being a shoe aficionado.  Both  amuse me.  I am not trying to live up to or put away any stereotypes.  I am who I am.  I am gay, not the way he is, he is, or he is, but the way I am.  To me being so careful of avoiding stereotypes… fuck I may as well have stayed in the closet.  I am not every queer.  I am no more going to avoid gay stereotypes than I avoid eating fried chicken.  To me, if I am living up to your stereotypes of gay men, maybe it is time to look at why you stereotype those things as gay.  It says far more about you than it does me.
And as for the gay guys out there who don’t like how I portray gay, I tell you what, I won’t tell you how to do it right, and you don’t tell me.  Fuck, boys, we get enough shit in the world, do we really have to be such dicks to each other?

*Puts soap box away*.

What a sad day

August 22, 2011 § 6 Comments

Between the death of the passionate Canadian Jack Layton.  His passion for the change he encouraged us to be made him one politician I really felt was genuine.  I loved his humour.  Sad that he died so young.  I remember him for his time on MuchMusic as a kid, when he actually spoke to kids like they mattered.  Like they were the future…. go figure.
  Then the tornado in Goderich.  C’s family is in Goderich so he is there today helping his parents with the clean up.  It kinda sucks because I was hoping to have time…. him laid off. Me out of school.  And a tornado ruins it all.  Why do all the bad things happen to me:P  Okay, crappy joke.

Well, Mother nature does not want me there

August 22, 2011 § 6 Comments

Cactus festival yesterday in Dundas.  I’m meeting friends who live there (can we say cha-ching).  Anyway, I get there and it is pissing out, so Kay decides that we can just hang out.  C actually came with.  It’s amazing what my bitchiness can accomplish:P  Anyway, the sun comes out and it becomes hotter than hell.  Yay, we get to go to the festival.  So Kay feeds the kids and Off we are ready to go…. and it piss pours rain again:(  Finally we just figure it isn’t going to happen.  So C and I head home…. and the sun comes out.  FML.  Oh well, I was too broke to buy anything anyway.
I was not to terribly interested anyway, very artsy, but C would have enjoyed it.

He’s such a fucktard.

August 20, 2011 § 8 Comments

   A friend wrote about baby steps.  I cheer her on every step of the way.  I wonder why no one can appreciate how far she has come in her baby steps.
  Then I get impatient with C, and it takes me taking a step back and realize that he is on his own journey, and taking baby steps, while I am wanting him to run.  Who the fuck am I to have such high expectations?  Who the fuck am I to have any expectations at all?  C had his life all nice and easy, then I come in, and in my high handed way expect everything to change.  Like I am such a prize.
  C is not like me, shocker I know.  He’s quite quiet.  His old friends go into two categories.  Old drinking buddies, or older friends from church growing up.  Granted the latter category are very minimal.  The old drinking buddies he has are always disappointed that he no longer drinks.  That leaves his one friend, who was YES an old drinking buddy, but also taught C everything he knows about tattooing and has done all his work.  So last night he was getting his leg piece finished up, and his buddy comments on the new apartment.  The clincher is Nelson.  C is not a cat person.  Not really an animal person at all.
   He asked about the “girl” he was seeing.  C told him about me.  Baby steps.  Yes, he’s “seeing someone” named Jamie.  Oh, my, such honesty.  Sure, I guess it is not C’s fault that his friend assumed Jamie was a girl.  But he sure as fuck did not correct him.  So?  What right do I really have to be pissed off?  None.  But it doesn’t stop me from being pissed off.  Before he just didn’t tell people about me.  That is better than lying about me.
   Baby steps.  I want to believe he had every intention of telling his friend about me, but then took the expedient escape hatch provided when the friend figured Jamie was of the female persuasion.   Except for the fact that he had to know that was going to happen.  Unless someone knows you’re gay the assumption is straight.  And unless the subject of who you are seeing ends with a name I have to assume that a few feminine pronouns enforced the assumed sex of Jamie.
   In the future I must be careful what I wish for.  I wished for him to at least tell people I existed.  Well, I got that, just not the way I wanted it.  The poor stupid bastard still hasn’t figured out WHY I am mad.  Fucktard. Well, he hasn’t admitted to knowing why I am mad anyway.  I refuse to believe he is really stupid enough not to have picked up on the why.

While the parents are away…. and then not

August 18, 2011 § 8 Comments

   So, last night I get a phone call to say my parents are spending the night at my grandparents because the boys were asleep.  Ahhhh, air conditioning, no parents, sounds like C’s spending the night.  After a bit of prodding he comes over.  Okay, a shit load of prodding actually.  He gets all bitchy about my parents, well my dad, not being over fond of him.  Dad was pissy about C staying over while they were at the cottage.  Well, fuck, they asked me to look after the place and if they think I was doing that and NOT taking advantage.  Seriously?
   Anyway, finally convinced him to come over.  We take off after about 30 seconds or so to my room.  So things are going quite well.  You may say we are getting along well and playing nicetogether, very nice indeed.  Then a fucking car in the driveway, accompanied by a scream that tells me this is no lost car turning around in our driveway.  The parents are definitely home with a very pissed off Casey in tow.
   Well C is off me in a heartbeat and scrambling for his clothes when I remind him that his car is in the driveway anyway, so he is going nowhere fast.  “Just go down and turn on the TV.” So I hear the TV about 20 seconds before the parents open the door.  Whew, close one.  I got cleaned up and dressed soooo fucking fast as I hear my mom asking Chris how he is doing.  I come down the stairs, trying to walk as if my ankles were not doubling as ear muff three minutes earlier.
   Almost got away without competely embarrassing ourselves, until commercial is over on television.  When C came over I was watching a movie on OUT tv.  Well, at 2 AM the channel tends to turn a little bit more “adult”.  So suddenly a review on a new sex toy.  I don’t know what was funnier, the look of horror on C’s face as the loud voice on the television warned about “make sure you use plenty of lubrication”, or my mother trying not to laugh.  Chris went home about 40 seconds later.
   So this morning I sent him a text : “My parents are out of town, wanna come over?”
   “I H8 U”  Obviously a accidental pocket text:P

HIV conspiracy theories that make you feel safe

August 17, 2011 § 14 Comments

   Recently one of my city’s baddies Aziga was taken off the streets for good.  He was ruled a dangerous offender, he was the first person convicted of first degree murder for willfully spreading AIDS.  He knew in 1996 he had HIV, had sex with 11 women since then, 7 of who become HIV positive, two of whom have died since then.

   What shocked me was not that he was given dangerous offender status, but on reading the comments to this news.  People have such wild conspiracy theories all revolving around HIV and AIDS not existing at all, or about it being a gay disease that these women could not have caught through heterosexual sex.  The theories are beyond bizarre, and I think, unlike most conspiracy theories with accuse the government of giving a false sense of security, these accuse various groups of trying to cause panic where no danger exists.
In no particular order:
Theory 1:  Heterosexuals are being injected with HIV when being tested.  That is why perfectly healthy people end up with HIV after testing… Seriously?  Discouraging people from testing is fucking dangerous.  Oh, but why are they being injected with HIV?  Well obviously if everyone knew it was just the gays and druggies contracting HIV society would just let them all die.  They only get money for research because of the “supposed” danger to the Het community.  
Theory 2:  Africa was sent HIV through the charity organizations supposed to help.  Why?  Well ofcourse to wipe black people off the face of the planet…. Now this theory is believed by some, but others… since some people believe this, it is dangerous to continue to try to prevent HIV spread in Africa in case North America gets blamed for AIDS progressing.  WTF…. I can’t even wrap my head around that one.
Theory 3:  80% of HIV immigration applicants are admitted to Canada.  Not sure where they get there numbers, but about 2 seconds of research will tell them is simply not true.
Theory 4: HIV does not exist period.  AIDS does not exist.  It is a trick to get people to think that Cancer is not as pravalent in society Blah,blah,blah….
Now I am sure there are loads more conspiracies out there.  I guess I just wonder how widespread these beliefs are.  Because it seems to me the biggest battle in N.A. to fight HIV may not be the disease itself, but ignorance.  Are we going to turn into another Africa, with ignorance fertilizing AIDS until it thrives?

Where Am I?

You are currently viewing the archives for August, 2011 at itsagaylifejamiessmiles.